So I've been going a little crazy and decided I'd just summarize every RPG video game ever made with my own fake script. Keep in mind, I love RPGs so no hate here, just noticing a pattern.
Hero: The evil empire has destroyed my home and killed my family, and now all I have left is this sword by which I shall swear VENGANCE!
Princess/Priestess: Help me! My home has been conquered by an evil tyrant who killed my family to get my power. I am the last heir to divine magic that lets me heal and protect and summon gods, but because I am so young and inexperienced I haven't reached my full potential and now all I can do is a little healing and summon a little cat-like creature that can barely defend me and I only have a staff to protect myself with! If the evil tyrant gets me he'll use my power to conquer the world!
Hero: I will protect youwith my sword, and my sword alone, because that's all I've got, but it will have to do until you get your power, and even then somehow my sword will still be stronger, yet everyone in our world will recognize you as the most powerful being even though I'm clearly stronger. Whatev's, as long as I get laid.
Princess/Priestess: My hero!
Evil Tyrant: Not so fast! It is I, the champion of the evil empire which ruined both of your lives, and now I will capture the girl and use her power to conquer the world!
Hero: But I will stop you with my sword!
Princess/Priestess: And I will keep healing him so he can hit you with his sword relentlessly until you finally die.
Evil Tyrant: FOOLS! I have released the power of an ancient evil sealed a thousand years ago! Someone should have destroyed it by now, but everybody just assumed the seal would hold and forgot about it, so now the power is mine! BUWAHAHA!
Cid & co: Excuse us, we're just some minor supoporting characters with vaguely interesting backstories that never really get developed because all the attention needs to be on the apocalyptic love story between you two, but we can help. Or at least we could if we ever got used and leveled up, but you'll ignore us until our final sidequest when we have a solo battle we are severely underprepared for. Only one of us will actually make the cut to be in your active party in the final battle anyway, and it will probably be the ridiculously overpowered badass who should have been the real main character.
Hero: Did you say overpowered badass? I want him!
Cid: Of course you do! But you won't get to him until near the end of the game and even then it will require a ridiculously hard sidequest that ends with an optional boss that's way more powerful than Mr. Main Villain over there.
Evil Tyrant: Hey, I'm right here!
Cid Whatever dude. Anyway, there will be several subtle clues hidden along the way, but they are so obscure you'll never figure them out, so just check a cheat guide to figure out how to find your guy.
Hero: Thank you, you are true friends!
Cid: Not so fast buddy, we actually don't really care about you, we're just afraid he's going to destroy our homes, kill our families and enslave us.
Hero: Well, that is what he's done to us.
Evil Tyrant: Yeah, I'm totally gonna do that.
Hero: Fair enough, let's do this! LEEROY JENKINS! Wait, where did everybody go?
Evil Tyrant: They're gone, it's time for our final duel!
Hero: No, they're not gone, I can feel them with me, supporting me in spirit! We'll defeat you together!
And with a final blow of the sword, the Evil Tyrant is felled and the world is saved and the hero lives happily ever after with his princess/priestess.
It's fun to mock ourselves from time to time.
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