Sharknado the 4th Awakens and 2Lava2Lantula

This is a bit late, got held up by Camp NaNoWriMo and Suicide Squad, but still too big to be ignored.

Sharknado is the ultimate series of one-upmanship. Seriously, you think they can not possibly go farther than they did the last time and then they do, they find some way to go even further beyond than you ever imagined was humanly possible. Sharknado the 4th Awakens starts with a Star Wars style scroll to bring home the title tribute, catching us up as there has been a five year time jump during which our hero Fin Sheppard has been raising his son alone after April was injured and believed to be killed by falling space debris. The past five years have been peaceful because Astro-X has created a weather regulating technology that prevents tornadoes and therefore prevents sharknadoes. However, the technology is based around water based tornadoes and fails when a sand based tornado forms in Las Vegas hitting his casino that features an aquarium filled with sharks which seemed like a good idea at the time. It happens to hit when Finn, his older son played by Cody Lindley, and his cousin, Gemini, the obligatory hot chick in a bikini top, are visiting from Kansas. The Sandnado chases the Sheppards across the desert where it takes on boulders and becomes a Bouldernado with sharks that have rocks embedded in their hide. They reach Texas where they arm themselves at a chainsaw shop run by Dog the Bounty Hunter and the cast of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Yes, seriously, Leatherface, and I mean the original actor from the original movie, takes a chainsaw to massacre sharks in Texas, and in case you're slow, his sister says "It just ain't Texas without a chainsaw massacre!" So good you can taste it! But wait there's more! At the same time, we find out April isn't dead, her father, played by Gary Busey, took her away from the hospital after they pulled the plug and rebuilt her as an upgraded cyborg represented by nothing more than an electric belt around her waist that now sustains her life while also giving her super powers and allow her to save her daughter and father-in-law, the latter played by David Hasselhoff who had been rescued from the moon by Astro-X and is now testing mech suits for fighting Sharknadoes. They try to reunite with Finn who is now headed to Kansas to get Gil. While in Kansas, he gets a chainsaw sword(YES!) and the Sharknado, which has become a cownado after pickign up cows from local farms, picks up his house and drops them all in Chicago on top of a witch of a mayor, who had said something along the lines of "I'll get you and your little chainsaw too!" her legs stick out under the house and they actually comment that "We aeren't in Kansas anymore!" Somewhere along the line it they attempt to stop the Sharknado by electrifying it and setting it on fire, making it a Lightningnado and a Firenado, although I forgot the order, then it hits a nuclear power plant becoming a Nuclearnado with glowing radioactive sharks. Honestly, the person I most fear for in this movie is Al Roker, who playing himself, actually had to describe all and name all of those variants of tornado and seems to be at risk of losing his credentials with the National Weather Service. Everything comes together at Niagra Falls where April is reunited with Finn and his father plans to use his mech suit to stop the Sharknado with assistance from two women played by his former baywatch costars and when the Sharknado catches up with them they run away in slow motion(dear God YES!) Hoff gets eaten alive in one bite by a shark as does Finn's daugther and older son, forcing Finn to use the mech suit himself to stop the Sharknado with help from April who has a swiss army knife of chainsaws and lasers in her prosthetic hand and rocket thrusters in her feet, and Finn ends up being eaten by a shark too(this is his third time being eaten by a shark BTW). Then comes the coupe de grace of Sharknado 4, the sharks that at the Sheppard family eat each other, whle and alive and are inturn eaten by a whale, then little Gil uses his mini-chainsaw(because all the Shappards get a chainsaw, semper paratus) to cut open the sharks and reveal the entire family is still alive! BUT WAIT, THERE'S STILL MORE! Finn is clinging to life and Hoff has to perform CPR and in desperation they try to defribrillate him using April's power belt and two small sharks as paddles! And then the Eiffel Tower lands with Nova standing on it and Finn responds "This isn't over yet." Extend the WTF meter for Sharknado 5 because this one broke it!

That was the good, now for the bad. Among the cameos in Sharknado 4 was Steve Gutenberg talking about "spiders in Fort Lauderdale" which can only mean one thing 2Lava2Lantula, the sequel to last year's Lavalantula, the heir apparent to Sharknado. There was a lot of promise to live up to and unlike Sharknado, the hype was not real. Lavalantula was about fire breathing giant spiders in Los Angeles, now it's in Fort Lauderdale where Gutenberg's stepdaughter is taking a break from school where she's majoring in geology, which happens to be the critical science need to locate the subterranean spider queen. The suspense of the first film is gone now, as everyone is prepared with liquid nitrogen guns and Gutenberg's only new contribution is to grumble in a bad impersonation of Vin Diesel. It's not bad by SyFy standards, it's just that it could have stepped up it's game more like Sharknado did and it didn't, so I don't know if they'll try again, but I know I don't really care.